Description

A woman’s rotting corpse is sprawled out on a bed, consumed by colorful cords. Light lines the room just enough to show her disheveled surroundings.

Explanation

This piece is titled: Lay Down And Rot (LDAR), which is a term that originated on online incel forums. It refers to feelings of hopelessness and despair in relation to one's romantic and social life. The term has now become more widely used and can refer to a general sense of apathy or a desire to withdraw from society.

I chose this term to use for a self portrait because although I am not, and could never be an incel, I have never felt more accepted anywhere other than what some would consider online incel spaces. I wasted away my teenage years browsing various image boards and forums because I never felt like I fit in with my peers at school. I never managed to make any real friends, and was bullied for everything from my mother's death to my interests. From 2011- 2014, I tried finding acceptance on sites like tumblr, but when I eventually got bullied for using them I gave up and switched to forums. From then on, I've never experienced more of a sense of belonging, acceptance, and community from anywhere else. For the first time in my life, i felt that i was able to express myself without fear of judgment or bullying from family, peers, or other users of the site. I gained confidence in myself, had others to share hobbies and interests with, finally made friends. This confidence helped me in school, because although I couldn't physically fight back, I learned how to fight back with words. When I entered art school, I hoped things would be different, but even now I struggle to feel accepted and face backlash for my art, such as with the Chris Chan painting. I feel hesitant to express myself in front of other's for fear of judgment and the possibility of becoming a victim of 'cancel culture.' I feel just as I did in middle and high school. But when showing my art on these forums, I am met with nothing but acceptance and praise.

While I recognize that these sites are extremely controversial and taboo, I feel they are important and have a right to stay up as they promote free speech. I believe that people should be able to express their opinions, ideas, and beliefs without fear of censorship, repression, or persecution.